This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Randomize
