My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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