I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
