I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ladies don't puke and tell
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
