wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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