I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
