I think I died a long time ago.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
