In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
