do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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