I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
