My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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