Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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