That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
