I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
