mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
