Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
