Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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