You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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