god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
