Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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