I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
