STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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