If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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