It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
