it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
