He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
