OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
