But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
