The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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