If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
