ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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