He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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