imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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