I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
now i know why i became what i already was.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
