i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
