If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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