they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
