okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
