so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
