Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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