I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
