you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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