yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
