Don't make out with my wife yet
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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