Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
