sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
