We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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