i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
