So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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