it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
