I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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