She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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